My room smells like vodka and shame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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