TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
