I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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