I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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