ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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