Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
