i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
