i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
