omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
