You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
