I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
