she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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