and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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