my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
