it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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