you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
