I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
