More tranny stories later!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
