so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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