I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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