i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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