I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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