I just saw a hot homeless man
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
