I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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