I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
