my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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