you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
