What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
