Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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