if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
