Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
