It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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