I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
