Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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