He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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