remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
