Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
