we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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