i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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