I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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