Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
