Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
