I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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