apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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