She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
