Where are you?
In a non slutty way
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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