Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
