Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
