Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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