Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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