covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize