if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
