Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
