I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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