I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
