its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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