anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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