Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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