After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
