I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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