Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
