awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
