Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
