covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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