Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
