Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize