Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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