I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
